Fun fact: I perform in musicals. 💃
I know! I told you that I live a lot of lives. There’s just so many things that I enjoy doing.
But every time I audition for a new role, I feel the same mix of excitement and nerves because a personal not-so-secret quirk that I’m working on… I’m a recovering self-sabotager.
Despite doing musicals for 15 years now, I still feel sick to my stomach prior to each audition. The good news is that I’ve managed to cut back on the previously typical 3-day stressout to about 3 hours now.
I always say that it’s the small wins that compound.
It’s kinda funny though because I have no problem performing. I looove performing. When I’m on stage, I’m rarely nervous. The opportunity to take the audience on a new journey excites me.
But it’s a different kind of pressure to stand up in front of a group of people who don’t know you–and their job is literally to judge if you’re right for the role.
My brain can’t totally shift away from the fear of “you’re not good enough,” even though logically I know that they’re just trying to find the person that fits the specific image that they have for the character.
So before every audition, I run through a private performance in my mind… Telling stories of self-sabotage…
I’m probably too busy to commit to this schedule.
Maybe I’m a bit sick? *cough*
I don’t even like this show that much anyway.
My audition song isn’t a good match, but there’s no time to choose another. 👈 That will be the reason if they don’t pick me.
By definition, self-sabotage is the deliberate hindering of our success by undermining our goals (source). I tell myself these stories and get in my own way in the process.
For me, my self-sabotage comes up in auditions. For a lot of clients, I see the same thing happen in their work and businesses. They want to grow and know that they need to follow certain steps to achieve their goals, but they self-sabotage every step of the way, fabricating roadblocks.
Commonly, this appears in the form of perfectionism and imposter syndrome… The achilles of high-achievers.
Procrastination… Have you been there?
Giving into mindless distractions… We’re all guilty of doom scrolling when we need to focus.
Overcoming self-sabotage requires a dedicated and consistent effort, and definitely won’t happen overnight. But like most things, acknowledging without judgement is the first step. Even though there’s always things we can do better, you need to believe that you’re good enough right now.
This is one of the early topics on the Zenith Journey – Level Up Leadership Podcast coming in April 2022.
Remember that you ARE good enough. Don’t let you tell yourself any different.
Ps. If you’re a musical theatre fan, I’m performing in Brisbane and Sunshine Coast in April/Mary 2022 as part of the ‘Anywhere Festival’. Comment below and I’ll share the details.